Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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