Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
