okay pat passed out under dana's car
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
