Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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