OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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