i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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