it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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