went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
