i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
