I can text with my tongue
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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