this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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