I smell stomach acid.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
