You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
