You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
