i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
