I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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