Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
