please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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