About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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