first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Randomize
