what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
