Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
