New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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