i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
