Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
