we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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