i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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