i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Randomize
