i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
