i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
