Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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