This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
