Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
the raccoons are back...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
