3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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