I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
