Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
