Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
