sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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