Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
