Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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