I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
