I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
