Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
