i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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