420 ftw
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
