ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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