Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
