evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
