He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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