I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
