Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My feet surprised me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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