Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
