The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You made out with two different species that night
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
