I could make wine with my vomit
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
